How to Be a Man

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Just cut the communication off completely. Overwhelming her with too much attention or gifts will actually work against you.

You need to remember that different girls have different goals and expectations. Somehow, they think that is the deal. So even though you might not understand why he loves his hobbies so much, make an effort to be there. Although my survey is in no way representative due to its small size and its focus on a certain geographical region, age and level of education, the answers made me aware of some aspects which are useful for a deconstructive view on masculinity.

Liza Minnelli

Regardless of changing times, a woman still wants the same things from men that she has wanted since the beginning of time. Ultimately, she wants and needs to feel cherished and protected by the man she desires. Quite simply, her woman's heart requires that she feel cared for. There is no other way around what makes a man, nor should there be. Secondly, a perceptive woman will hold back a part of herself if she believes a man is only nominally interested in her---she may even discontinue the relationship before it truly has a chance to grow if she senses the male is only killing time with her until someone better comes along. Thirdly, the man who fully embraces his maleness and who also has that wonderful juxtaposition of virility and tenderness is a highly desirable and attractive male. When all is said and dones trength, tenderness and authenticity combined, are the three traits that women find most attractive in a man. Once a woman realizes her man is the real deal, wild horses couldn't drive her away. She feels safe with a man who maintains high standards for living and loving. Unfortunately, too many men have bought into the notion that women only want men who are hot, rich, and powerful. It is true that some women are gold diggers, what makes a man those women are not quite as common as some men might fear. On a superficial level, wealth and power can be attractive, but believe me when I say that a worthwhile woman is much more concerned with whether a man shows her some respect and maturity. Wealth and power are all well and good, but a truly decent woman isn't interested in making love to your bank account. She wants a flesh and blood man who will be there for her through the hard times as well as good times. Only a cynical man believes that all women want is half of his hard-earned assets. Such men truly miss the point of marriage and its' noble purpose, which is to love, cherish and provide stability for the family and thus, society. Sadly, many woman have come to believe that the what makes a man man is a dying species. More and more dating women are complaining about how men are acting out in strange ways. For example, some guys somehow believe that sending half-naked pictures of themselves to a woman they hardly know, via text or by making sexually suggestive comments on a first date, is a turn-on for her. Men who act this way will never have the attention of a quality woman. Such immature and foolish behavior is highly insulting and disrespectful. Also, being a real man and displaying aggressive machismo techniques are at opposite ends of the manliness spectrum. Any male who confuses the two will never sustain a meaningful relationship with a loving woman who actually likes herself. This should be obvious, but apparently some things need to be stated. On the other hand, the world is full of decent men who are able and willing to treat women well. Women what makes a man to be seen as a whole human being, not a combination body parts. Any reasonably intelligent man is perfectly capable of choosing to develop some attractive characteristics, that is, if he sincerely wants to draw a desirable woman into his life. However, in order to find the right woman in the first place, he must commit to working on becoming the right man. The rest will actually take care of itself. Consequently, it helps to develop some self-discipline. No doubt, men also feel frustrated about dating. Some of the angst has to do with women wanting equal rights, yet also wanting to be treated in a special way. But what men need to understand and accept is that her desire to be treated special is a perfectly normal and healthy feeling. Even men have this feeling, and it has nothing to do with equal rights. Perhaps some of you guys out there believe you are walking an emotional tightrope in trying to figure out what to do to please a woman. You don't have to feel that way. Most women do not believe that chivalry is sexist. However, given today's attitude of political correctness, some women are afraid to admit how much they enjoy chivalry because they fear being viewed as unfair, old fashioned, or even elitists. On the other hand, any man who throws the equal rights argument in a woman's face to get out of acting like a gentleman is bad news. All of his relationships will be sub-standard because he has chosen to manipulate equal rights to his advantage by stating that women no longer have the right to be treated well, since they have demanded equal rights. Such men are not worthy of a good woman's time. One of the most important things any male can do to please a woman is to first, pursue her and to then make her feel as if she is the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth. If that means writing her a sweet note or giving her a cute bouquet of flowers or a single pink balloon, then so be it. Women love these little acts of kindness and the more creative they are, the better. But keep in mind---timing is everything. You never want to go over-the-top too soon. Too much too soon really isn't wise or necessary. Overwhelming her with too much attention or gifts will actually work against you. The reason for this is because women need to feel safe. If she feels overwhelmed, she might question your intentions. The good news is that whether you're the extroverted jock or the bookish professor, you have something to offer a woman. One woman may be intrigued by the kindly man who is reserved and philosophical while the other woman seeks the extroverted guy who can make her laugh until tears stream down her face. The point is that each man has unique and wonderful attributes to bring to the table. If you really want a woman to find you attractive, you've got to do some good old-fashioned courting before you even attempt to get her into your bed. Furthermore, it's appropriate for the man to do the courting, not the other way around. Committing to doing little things like pulling out chairs and opening doors are nice ways to say, I like and respect you. I cannot stress the importance of these small chivalrous gestures. Secure women especially appreciate being treated like the ladies they are. And for those of you who already have a special woman in your life, you would do well to tell her she is beautiful, hold her hand in public and in private, and leave the occasional love note lying around where she can find it easily before she heads out to work in the morning. And at the end of each night, be sure to tell her how much you what makes a man her. Such simple, loving gestures cannot be underestimated. I mention this only because it is easy for married couples to take each other for granted as time goes on. However, neglecting small kindnesses is a sure-fire way to kill romance over the long haul. It's always best to keep the fire burning. I am sure you already know why. If you learn nothing else from this hub, learn this: A woman must feel desired by the man in her life. She may already know she is physically attractive but if she doesn't hear it from you, she's going to feel as if she isn't very desirable. Consequently, one of the most important things a man can do is to tell a woman how much he appreciates her. Just speaking those words out loud and from your heart is one of the most romantic ways to show her that you care. Simple compliments what makes a man so easy to give and the rewards are great. Long story short, it takes more than wealth or good looks to keep a relationship intact. If you want real affection in your life, you have to develop character. Owning trendy stuff and expensive cars is fine, but those things are not enough when it comes time for some serious love-making. You can't lug the car into bed with you. If a male hasn't learned how to make a woman feel valued, he can forget about having a satisfying and meaningful love life with a desirable woman. The ladies don't get a free-get-out-of-jail card either. Women must step it up by becoming a classy woman who has self-respect. Being a lady doesn't make a woman a prude. If anything, her confidence in knowing when to move forward and when to wait is actually very sexy, not to mention---incredibly smart. Just know that once you become the authentic man you were meant to be, you'll have no problem finding a woman who would like nothing better than to stay warm and cozy with you all night long---not just for one night, but what makes a man night. Remember---your passion and virility is the glue that holds your love together but your tender loving care is the reason she wants to stay. Given that she is your fiancee, my deepest hope is that she is already attracted to you. If you feel she is not, then you may need to consider whether you are engaged to the right woman. As they say, There's a lid for every pot. In other words, two people either fit or get each other well enough to commit to marriage, or they are marrying for the wrong reasons. I don't know your particular circumstances; however, I can say that a woman needs to be listened to. Sometimes she vents and she may not need to hear about your solution. She just wants to be held and reassured that you will always be there for her. That being said, please do not marry anyone who doesn't love you. There are unique situations in which the woman is pregnant and you feel compelled to marry. But if she doesn't love you, the marriage will ultimately break-up. I definitely what makes a man that men are hoping for more compliant women when they look overseas for wives. However, my intuition and some things I've noticed along the way tell me that these men are mistaken in thinking that a foreign women will almost certainly serve them better in all cases. In any event, there is a connection between how things were in the U. Some men are afraid that the new assertive women is likely to rob him blind. Generally speaking, this is not the case, although some women are gold diggers, no doubt. Anyway, to a certain extent, such men have some of my sympathy. Because new women can be unrealistic about their expectations same as a foreign woman, but for different reasons regarding how men are supposed to be or act. For example, a plethora of A,erican women expect the male to Really, Really be a nurturer, like she has done throughout the ages. She also expects him to keep providing and protecting as he did back in the day. Meanwhile, she gets to be the same woman she has always been, but with an income even though that income is almost always less than his. To the male, it seems as though he is the one who is required to be more like her. But of course, women who expect this change are rather stupid, unrealistic and illogical. Men are different from women, as they very well should be, and furthermore, cannot help but be. Otherwise, we'd all be female. And so, men still desire beautiful women who are either more compliant or more traditional than some women are today. I understand that, to a point. However, the truth is, beautiful foreign women will demand quite a lot monetarily in exchange for sexual compliance. Somehow, they think that is the deal. Frankly, I rather despise women, foreign or not, who think in such materialistic ways. And I am not entirely alone in thinking this way among my female what makes a man. Naturally, both men and women would be better off if seeing past the beauty of a lover to the person she or he really is. That's a problem both sexes have to wrestle with and which we have wrestled with throughout the ages. In closing, let me say that I hope all is well with you, my dear Moonfroth. And thanks for taking the time to question me about various matters. I feel as though you do it to help me. I liked it when men were not afraid of being male, and when women felt comfortable in being female. Anyone who denies the differences between the sexes is out of touch. Yves I got it from herwhen i tried to call her couple of times she didnt answer and another time didnt respond to message. Once i tried to give her choclate but she didnt accepted it in the begining. This is a tough one for you, Savvy, because I suspect your intuition will prove the only information base available. A friend recently got involved with a girl from Russia. Over the past six months, maybe longer, I've noticed on the 'net a lot of pop-up ads for girls from Russia, India, and various Asian countries. I suspect but do not know that men respond to these ads expecting these girls will be more compliant, subservient, and 'obedient' than their American and Canadian sisters. And into the mix, I further suspect tha American and Canadian men are growing weary of measuring up to the standards of the strong, assertive 'new' woman. For good or ill, they long for a woman content to live the stay-at-home, so-called secondary role women played50 - 75 years ago. Seems an issue related to the quest for 'foreign' beauties. I'm sure it was, but there is no reason for her to ignore your texts. You can always approach her, but don't be disappointed if she acts disinterested. Stop with the eye contact thing. It's useless to give attention to a player who could not care less about your feelings. If you're saying the same girl does both things, then it could be she would rather you speak to you in person than receive a text. But most likely, she is playing you. She's the type of girl who needs to feel desirable. It probably gives her ego a boost to know that you're still interested even though she ignores your texts. You should totally ignore her and not make any eye contact whatsoever. She could use a taste of her own medicine. In dating relationships, perhaps five years or less. For marriages, the average time is eight years. However, I prefer not to think in those terms. I will say that if a couple dates for many years and if that union does not lead to marriage, then one party the one who wants to be married will ultimately call it quits. Personally, I would never stay with a man who isn't madly in love with me. Maybe that was the case with the Chinese woman. Perhaps the parents wanted a marriage. Honestly, I have no way of knowing, but if that were so, I wouldn't blame them. I've had several long term relationships. The last was with a much younger. Chinese lady and although her family destroyed us she was the nicest kindest lady I ever met and she didn't want to leave which was very moving. I have some familiarity with the Chinese culture, but not enough to advise you properly, I fear. My step-sister married an Asian man and things did not work out due to his possessiveness. You are a different and highly refined man. Have you thought about dating outside your race. Again, not meaning to be politically incorrect. Unfortunately I need all my fingers for art and piano. The ex's mistakes often literally follow them around. Many women have a biological attraction to macho men even if they are white collar women. It's a perilous path for males with dozens of rivals out there. These are biological factors relating to all mammals. Many women like to be fought over both figuratively and literally. I've often got the better of rivals if the female is present but it's what happens out of sight that gets weird. Relatives are usually a huge obstacle with Chinese women where relatives rule. Oztinato, you might be better off trying to meet women who are used to dating men who are a bit more white collar. Yeah, I know that is not politically correct, but frankly, I wonder if these women you've come across can truly appreciate a more refined male such as yourself. If the fist fight thing is the ex's only virtue, well---that's not saying much about the other guy, and I have to wonder why she chose him. Just know that a worthwhile woman can feel safe with a more sophisticated male, provided he has an even temper and the ability to wither a rival with his demeanor, although he shouldn't have to prove he is Clint Easteood, either. If all else fails, you can always take boxing lessons. We women don't know about that particular drama. Thanks for letting us in on the secret. I imagine it is awfully difficult to keep one's cool or composure under such circumstances. But all we can do is plow ahead and hope for the best. You may be better looking than the average male---thus the competition. All you can do is to remain sympathetic to her, while maintaining your own male spirit. In the end, all we can do is stand our ground---even if it ruffles the feathers of the rooster relatives. The involved parties will deal with it if that is their only real option. If the woman isn't understanding, well. The ex's opinion should be of no concern to her. That was good revision on the do's and don'ts of dating. I'm not good at how to deal with relatives what makes a man ex's as it seems out of my control. This is a typical thing from the invisible male world that maybe women don't know about. It's more like an episode of the Simpsons combined with a dash of Stephen King. Any relationship of convenience is nothing more than a transfer of money for goods. No woman really wants to her worth to be attached to a price tag…. Your average woman wants to believe she is viewed as priceless, and that she is not a mere convenience. Consequently, my thought is the mail order bride phenomenon is a mistake. It cheapens what ought to be valuable, namely, love---the kind that two people form together and which is based on feelings of respect, attraction and mutual values, rather than whether one is a Scandinavian blond built like a brick house. That being said, I knew a man who ordered his bride. Anyway, even internet dating can be problematic if either party expects instant gratification. You have to take the time to build something solid and meaningful. Otherwise, the relationship what makes a man almost always fall apart at the first gust of wind. It is not always an easy thing to combine gentlemanly qualities with raw maleness. It can be done, but it is rare. In what makes a man, it is a matter of giving yourself permission to express both qualities. I do not mean to sound too simplistic, but think of it as an attitude that is acquired through consistent practice. What makes a man it is any consolation to you, women also feel rejected by men for not being attractive enough. Thank you kindly for stopping by. I appreciate your comment very much. The perfect mate is guaranteed, forget the bar scene, the perfect woman for you is in our data banks, meet a beautiful Russian lady, Asian women for seniors you too can meet a left-handed 6' tall Lithuanian blonde. What's your opinion of this 'modern' way to get a date. I will be following you in here for your new and fresh interesting ideas. That being said, I am not a woman who picks up men. But I do know how women can attract men without having to resort to getting fake body parts, etc. It's a thing of confidence, posture, style and other subtle ways of being. Good information to a guy that writes about ,How to pick up women type hubs. In general, a woman just wants respect and likewise. Dating material such as my pick up articles are not meant for long term romance. It is good to make a distinction over what is real and long term as you have versus the short term, one night fling, I tend to write about. Yes thank you, I read it again this morning and hope it didn't come across as all young woman, as some are way beyond their years, especially today. Just as some older ones may be still in that place. But as you said we do gain a bit of maturity and that maturity gains us a bit of knowledgeable information. Now I can spot things that a lot of people might dismiss. But that's an aside to your comment. What I'm saying is that we can all come to recognize who has those respectful qualities and who doesn't, over time. That being said, I've met a couple of young women on Hubpages who are savvy beyond their years. Gaining a bit of maturity and getting our priorities lined up usually comes with age. Beautiful words and well written, you most definitely hit it right on when it comes to what a woman wants, or most of us anyway. I think when you are very young, you still want those characteristics in a man of course however the young ones may define those differently than us older ones do. I think money is a big thing for most younger girls as opposed to older woman. What ever the case may be it all sums up to love and respect which in return leaves the most powerful feeling in the world. I love that song by Bruno Mars, it has a beautiful message. I actually wrote the hub in response to the awful things that women tell me men are saying and doing, on or after first dates,- like texting sleazy messages, etc. And these are self-respecting women who are experiencing this nonsense. So I'm thinking, how can some men be so clueless. Are they reading too many men's magazines, or what. At any rate, I hope some guys who are seeking answers will read the hub and try to understand that if they develop some new characteristics, they might have a much better chance at finding and keeping real love. The short answer is yes - due to changing perceptions in both men and women, the task of finding a partner can be quite difficult indeed. That is why I always stress the importance of respectfulness in dating. In at least two of my hubs, I've also touched upon how perceptions have changed in the last 40 - 50 years, and how some men and women are becoming somewhat androgynous in their thinking. Thus, I try to address the issue of confusion between genders in most of my hubs. You see, what makes a man are fearful of being reliant on men, and young men in particular, are what makes a man always fully aware of the responsibility inherent in being a male who may one day have to participate in raising a family. Obviously, the same responsibility applies to women. Navigating the waters of relationships is never an easy thing. Honestly, I feel badly for all those women who have all but given up. They've reconciled themselves to the career, the townhouse, and the cat. In this hub, I am attempting to educate men a bit, get their creative juices flowing, and to enlighten them on how to become more what makes a man in their approach to women, if they choose to undertake a meaningful relationship. It's not easy, but in adopting some new perceptions and acquiring better inter-personal skills, navigating the stormy waters of love can be an exciting challenge. Thus my goal in writing nearly anything, is to help men what makes a man women develop better skills. In my experience, fine tuning one's skills and becoming more aware of the differences between genders is that which allows us to manage the challenges of any relationship, once we are ready despite changing perceptions in individuals. Thank you for an excellent question. And if men and women worked from fixed vantage points, securing those kinds of ideals should be attainable, but how are men to cope with the ever-changing vantage points that characterize the way many women look at their world. What a woman finds to be inner strength and kindness when she's 20 could be light years different when she's 40.

Remind him this is a date and anything can happen! I could never settle for a weak man that was dependent upon me to define his manhood for him. The elephant was real, trumpeting its answer to what makes a man? How different are men from women? This leaves the next generation to ceaselessly pursue wealth in order to validate their manhood. This is not what makes a man Most of this conflict is hush-hush, but children can feel tension in the home and this leads to broken families. If it is any consolation to you, women also feel rejected by men for not being attractive enough. The key here is to confront your fears head-on and commit to things that literally drag you to victory. Naturally, both men and women would be better off if seeing past the beauty of a lover to the person she or he really is. There is no other way around it, nor should there be.